Episode 148 - Hot Messes, NFL Playoffs, and Crab Dribbles with The Girls!
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the HOT MESS that is the Boston
Celtics. They’re mavericking before mavericking is even an option!
Dropping 5 of the last 7 games is no way to repeat, boys. But maybe the
addition of Stephon Marbury will be just what the doctor ordered, because
that works. Perhaps they’re just getting it out of their system before
crunch time. But what is that saying? Oh, yeah, losing is contagious. We
say just play D. Not D for dumb, but D for DEFENSE. Sir Charles, ever
heard of TMI? You think sharing with the cops is going to get you out of
trouble? Dude. Have you not learned anything from your boy-ees? We’d
suggest you spend some time with The Girls, if we would have you, which we
wouldn’t, so we won’t suggest it. We do wish we could have spent some time
with Mark Ingram, former NY Giants receiver, before he went all vanish on
the feds to watch his son play football. Not exactly setting a good
example, but we appreciate his parental dedication. Sort of. Sad. Sad.
What’s not at all sad is the NFL Playoffs. The Wild Card weekend did not
disappoint, unless of course your team lost. We feel your pain, ‘cept not
this year! Not yet, anyway. But the play on the gridiron was exciting,
especially the acrobatics of Larry Fitzgerald, the jack rabbit speed of
Darren Sproles, and the ageless defense of the Baltimore Ravens. While the
Philadelphia Eagles played well enough to advance, we’re still smarting from
Donovan McNabb’s Shirley Temple dance moves. Westbrook? Now that man can
dance…through defender after defender. The Eagles may have been a hot
mess in November, but they are the team with steam right now. Which leads
us to the divisional round. Steve Spagnuolo is interviewing for a new job
(omen?), Jeff Lurie is preparing a new high five move (look out Christina!),
Kerry Collins is perplexed (how did I get here?), Ben Roethlisberger is
concussed (how did I get here?), and Vincent Jackson is wishing he had
called a car service. Sproles said he would have driven Jackson’s car…if
he could have reached the peddles. Yuk-yuk. The Girls give our predictions
in this week’s sports podcast, and being the objective cats we are, we
picked the Eagles to go. all. the. way. Over on the hard court we school
you in the fine art of the crab dribble, a LeBron fav until it got all
illegal. But isn’t traveling like a misdemeanor these days anyway?
Everybody’s doing it, doing it, doing it. Somebody’s not doing it for the
Chicago Bulls. Joakim Noah needs a good talking to. He hasn’t been able to
shed the BMOC sash and fall in line with team rules in Bullsville. Kids
these days…Somebody send him to the Larry Brown Etiquette school before he
has to manage a rib joint and wear a hair net, like someone else we know.
Can you send a hockey player to Larry Brown’s school too? Because Jarkko
Ruutu needs some disciplining. Biting the Sabres’ Andrew Peters’ thumb?
That’s more pre-K than pre-K itself. Seriously, dude, that’s what three
year-olds’ do. Cut it out. Slap. Slap. ALERT: Sean Avery update! His
girl, Kelly Klein, dumped him and he ended up at Bungalow 8…with his
brother, crying into his perfectly folded hanky. Sources tell us that once
his tears were dry he asked the server to hand wash it in cold with just a
touch of Woolite. Another Winter Classic has come and gone and those that
attended left happy…and a little cold. It was a great site to see a rink
laid out in all its frostyness in the midst of such a classic baseball
stadium. We commit before you to attend next year’s Winter Classic no
matter the location…but if the NHL could see fit to make sure the bar
scene and shopping are up to our lofty standards we would very much
appreciate it. Here’s a teeny tiny hot stove-ette update for you: Pat
Burrell has landed with the Rays, named after some guy named Ray. We will
miss you. You are our hero. Not for hitting the series-clinching double in
game 5.2 in this year’s World Series, but for snagging such a sweet gig -
DH, sunshine, ocean, hot chicks, Joe Maddon, red wine after every practice,
good music, Joe Maddon, a repeat trip to the World Series, red wine after
every practice. You have done well, young man. And in this week’s IT HAS
TO BE SAID we beg for her to just get over Obama! Everybody eats when their
heart is broken, but sometimes you just have to throw away the chips and
move on. So grab your dark chocolate, some cozy blankets and throw another
log on the fire…it’s time to talk sports with The Girls!
